Paper Clips Are Useless and Should Burn in Hell
by Banisters
Summary: Reports for school suck. English assignments suck. Dodging rumors and trying to maintain your sanity sucks. [Javid]
1. Paper Clips Are Useless

So.This is my homework.  
For english.  
Shit. "english" should be "English."

Okay there.  
This is my English homework.  
We were told to tell about ourselves in less than a thousand words.  
I can do that with only one word.  
Awesome.

See?  
There, I'm done.  
No wait.  
That stupid paper clip says I misspelled English.  
Just because it is lowercase.

Fuck that paper clip.  
Who does he think he is?  
No stupid pixel paper clip is going to tell me I'm wrong.

I guess I should continue with the assignment. Yeah. I should.  
But I can't because my friend David won't shut up.  
"Jack, you're going to fail if you write like that," is what he is saying. He is reading over my shoulder.  
"Shut up, you prick. Leave me alone," is what I just said.

Now he is grumbling and raiding my fridge.  
I hate it when he does that.It looks like he is stealing some leftover Chinese food.  
"Don't eat that!" I just yelled.

I do not want my friend David to eat that food because I am really hungry.  
David set the microwave to two minutes. He is laughing at me. I am giving him the finger. He is frowning.  
Anyways, since I am starving and have nothing better to do, I might as well write.

Oh, wait a minute. The paper clip says I should save the document.  
I just typed "GO FUCK YOUR MOM" in his little question box.  
He isn't responding.  
But I saved the document anyways.  
I titled it "Paper Clips Are Useless and Should Burn in Hell"

Geez, I'm off on a tangent.  
Okay.  
Here we go.

I am Jack. My last name is Kelly.  
You already know this because you have me on your attendance list.  
Still.

Argh, let me start over.  
(The bastard paper clip says "geez" and "argh" are not real words. They appear to be bleeding. Oh, David just says that they are red lines of correction. Screw that.)

Ahem.  
I am Jack Kelly. I am seventeen years old. Or…17.  
"David, should I spell seventeen with numbers or letters?" I hollered a second ago.  
He thinks I should spell it.

So I'm seventeen. I am a senior. I have blondish-brown hair. I am fairly tall. My birthday is on January 30th. I am informing you about this because I expect a cupcake to be on my desk on my birthday. God, I'd kill for a cupcake right now. David is taunting me with the Chinese food. I honestly do not know why I let him over here.

I guess it is because he is my best friend. Plus his sister and I are going out, so I have to be nice to him, or else she will get mad at me. When she gets mad, she ignores me and hangs out with my other friend, Spot. His real name is Gabriel, but we call Spot because…I don't really know. We just call him that.

My other friends have nicknames too. Mine is Cowboy. They call me that because I love Santa Fe. Which is a city in New Mexico. I wonder why they call it New Mexico. Is there an Old Mexico? Or is Mexico considered Old Mexico? I'm asking David, so you will have to wait a moment.

He says he does not know why it is called New Mexico. Oh well.

I also have a newspaper route. So do most of my friends.  
We wake up at 5:30 am every morning to deliver them.  
It is usually still dark out at that time.  
Actually, it is _always_ dark out (hey, did you know "ctrl" plus "i" makes words become italic?)  
Unless there is some nuclear gas polluting the air, which I have yet to see.  
That would be really sweet.

David is reading over my shoulder again. He and I are sa;fijfasljd'laskjdskjfafasda;lk;iyo8ioykhn9iy90  
Fighting for the keyboard.  
That is why the last sentence was messed up.  
I hate it asldj;sapjsadpofjdslfkj'pdosjf  
I HATE IT WHEN HE DOES THAT.

Jack is a butt. He smells. He should

Lkjhdfhfd;oiihoasoidhasnkda

Okay. I got the keyboard back from David. By the way, I am not in any way an anus. I believe I smell nice, too. Like Old Spice Red Zone.

Let me check the word count real quick.  
718 words. Or seven hundred eighteen words.

ALRIGHT. ONLY A FEW WORDS AWAY.

MY DAD IS IN PRISON FOR MAKING COUNTERFIET MONEY.  
Whoa. Caps lock. Perhaps I'll keep it on.  
MY MOM IS DEAD. SHE DIED WHEN I WAS SEVEN. SHE WAS GIVING BIRTH TO MY BABY BROTHER. SHE WENT INTO SHOCK AND DIED. MY DAD WAS UPSET. MY BABY BROTHER WAS PUT UP FOR ADOPTION. WHICH WAS STUPID, BUT SOCIAL SERVICES SAID MY DAD WAS NOT MAKING ENOUGH MONEY TO TAKE CARE OF HIM. OUR HOUSE WAS ALSO A PIECE OF SHIT.

MY BROTHER'S NAME IS LES. IRONICALLY, HE WAS ADOPTED BY DAVID' S FAMILY. I WAS NOT AWARE OF THIS UNTIL A COUPLE OF YEARS AGO. SO IN A WAY, DAVID IS MY BROTHER TOO. EXCEPT NOT GENETICALLY. NEVERMIND THEN. DAVID IS NOT MY BROTHER.

NEITHER IS LES. I LIED. MY MOM DIED IN A CAR ACCIDENT.

I am no longer going to use caps lock.

David is now watching some stupid Disney Channel movie on TV.  
It is called High School Musical.  
It seems gay.  
The director is some guy named Kenny Ortega.  
I bet he is a pedophile.  
I have 910 words now. Time to finish up.

I mentioned my newspaper route a few paragraphs ago. One day the guy who owns the paper lowered our pay. We got pissed. We went on strike. Which is pointless because most people get their papers home delivered. So along the strike, we went into stores and stole the papers. We also stole papers off people's doorsteps. The guy who runs our newspaper got very mad. He called the cop and most of us got arrested. It wasn't that bad. Jail, I mean. Or, juvie. I've been there before. Nothing new.

LOOK AT THAT 1010 WORDS. I AM DONE.

I think I'll go watch that queer movie with David. Just to make fun of him for watching it. Yeah.

The end.  
Sincerely, Jack.  
Exit Cowboy.  
1046 words.

**This is the first chapter in a small series thingie. Each chapter will be a form of writing from one of the newsies. Up next is David's college application. Oh, and this chapter was inspired by a book called The Year Of Secret Assignments. **


	2. Common Name: Jack Kelly

Scientific Observations

By David Jacobs

Period 4  
Advanced Placement Biology  
June 6th, 2006

This weekend, I was pondering over what organism I should observe, and decided that a human would be the best living creature to study. This report took six hours of examination and the following tools:

- One (1) notepad

- Two (2) Mechanical Pencils

- One (1) Television (_Includes Comcast Digital Cable The Disney Channel and television remote_)

- Three (3) cartons of leftover Chinese food (_Includes eating utensils and MSG)_

The remaining instruments used in the experiment will be mentioned in the rest of the report.

**Kingdom:** Animalia  
**Phylum:** Chordata  
**Class:** Mammalia  
**Order:** Primate  
**Family:** Hominidae  
**Genus:** Homo  
**Species:** Sapien

**Scientific Name: **Francis Sullivan  
**Common Name:** Jack Kelly  
**Also Referred To As:** Cowboy  
**Gender: **Male  
**Race:** Caucasian  
**Height: **Five feet and ten point five-seven inches  
**Weight:** One hundred and forty three pounds

**Clothing:** Custom black jacket (_Cafe Press_) with "Santa Fe" stitched on the back. Unknown brand of blue jeans. Black Chuck Taylor Converse All Stars. L.L. Bean red bandana. Unknown brand of black cowboy hat. Batman boxers. Hanes white t-shirt. Hanes ankle socks.

**Description Of Habitat: **Apartment in Manhattan (_New York City, New York_) One kitchen, one and a half bathrooms, one bedroom, one fire escape. Extra space consists of discarded clothing, magazines and newspapers scattered on the floor (_National Geographic, New York Times, TV Guide, Ikea, American Girl_), and other various objects.

_End of technical details._

_**NOTES**_

(Originally recorded in Bic black ink)

- Jack is supposedly typing (_Dell Computer, Windows XP, Microsoft Word_) an assignment for English (_Mrs. Platt's sixth period class, general education_)

- Jack reacts aggressively when source of nutrition (_Magic Wok's Chinese Take-Out_) is taken from appliance (_Ikea Refrigerator_) He shouted the following: "Don't eat that!"

- Jack appears to dislike High School Musical. He keeps murmuring the following: "This movie is queer. Who the hell likes musicals? What is wrong with the main character? If he likes that Hispanic girl he should just tell her." Perhaps he will peruse a career in writing movie reviews.

- Jack frequently shifts the position of his arm. It has shifted from being on his thigh, to lying on the arm of the couch, to the cushion by my left hamstring. At one point three of his fingers (_index, middle, and ring_) touched my leg. He pulled it away in less than a second and moved closer to the edge of the couch. He seemed embarrassed and blushed (_a form of defense used in humans, due to the fear system, used to make the threatened human look dangerous_).

- Jack is continuing to comment on High School Musical.

- Jack is now walking to the kitchen and singing lyrics from The Bloodhound Gang: "Maybe it ain't your birthday but then again you know I wouldn't give a fuck…" He uses profane language a majority of the time. For shame.

- Jack returned to the couch with shot glass containing Hawaiian Punch. He is now drinking the beverage.

- Jack is now looking at me. His facial expression (_half squinted eyes, smirk_) suggest an emotion I am unfamiliar with. Actually, his facial expression his quite cute. I mean that in a non-homosexual way. Oh, never mind.

- Hey, this Jack. I just nicked Dave's notepad. I have just drawn a smiley face. David is trying to get the notepad back. "Bring it, Davey!" I just said. He is trying to get it. I won't let

- The savage beast known as Jack stole my notepad. I am now in the bathroom and the door is preventing him from harming me. I think I might have to dart out of the bathroom and run for my life. I will return to these notes later if I survive.

**Two hours have passed. I have learned the following in those 120 minutes:**

- Jack seemed to be on the brink of starvation. He tackled me to the floor the instant I ran out of the bathroom. I believe he was trying to eat me.

- After several minutes of thrashing, I managed to escape from the vicious Jack. He chased me around the apartment until I tripped and fell onto the couch.

- Again, Jack attempted to eat me. I am assuming this because he held me down and bit me on my mouth. However, the bite was gentle. Maybe the Jack isn't as hostile as I think.

_**The remaining data I collected was too graphic to include in the report.  
**_

**

* * *

As you can tell, this is not a college application. I apologize for being misleading. I did plan to write a college application, but after reading the one my brother wrote for MIT, I decided I'd wait and do it later. More chapters coming up so keep reading. Thanks for the reviews, too.**


	3. Chatspeak, Patricio, and Male Cow Feces

**Myspace bulletin  
Message subject: OMFG LMAO READ DIS!11  
Posted by I Don't Have A Dog Name.**

Omg, guyz. U no how I live on da floor above jack's 'partment, right? Well, david was there the other day and they were goin at it. U no wut I mean. Those 2 r definitely gei. I am not joking. repost this in 5 minutes or ur luv life will suck more than those 2 did the other day. Oh, and I got 3 nu pics. Pleeze comment.

---Spot

* * *

**400-500 words short story paper assignment.  
Story by Kid Blink and Mush.  
Mrs. Platt's 4th period class.  
June 7th 2006.  
Which is a Wednesday, just so you know, Mrs. Platt. **

**Comments:**

"We were inspired to write this will recalling an event that happened last year (although we added some spontaneous stuff to it that never really happened). We were talking on the phone, and Mush said the story aloud, and I typed it up. That is why the parenthesis and stuff are a bit screwed up. Plus we were a high. Sorry, Mrs. Platt."

He was really pissed. He was really really pissed.

Mush slowly but purposely walked towards the fence. He purposely walked there because he wanted to get there. And it was on purpose. That's why it was purposely done. Like that yo.

After he was purposely at the fence, he opened the gate of the fence, and she yelled:

"WHAT THE FUZZ, YOU FUDGING MOTHER FUDGERS! (This isn't really what he said; we're just trying to remember what happened a year later, almost.)"

What happened next both shocked and amused Mush. Morris had pulled his pants down along with two of his mother fudging friends. Mush and Jack laughed their heads off instantly. After they retrieved their heads, they returned the spot in which they had started to laugh. Then they laughed some more, but this time their heads did not come off. And then David, their friend who is homosexual, exclaimed in a high falsetto voice:

"Hey, it's my turn to laugh with Jack now and have my head roll away as well."

And then David talked to himself out loud and said:

"Oh darn, I'm in public, not at home. I'm not supposed to use my girl voice in public when I am not at home."

Then he repeated what he said in a high falsetto voice in a manly voice, which didn't really sound manly because David isn't manly at all.

And Jack and everybody else stood silently for an awkward moment (in parenthesis, say: a little baby boy named Patricio was born, who would later be known as Patty)

Hhhokay, ready, ready, ready?

Hhokay, so, oh wait no, smirk chuckle chuckle giggle laugh laugh chuckle weeze gasp for air honk honk honk cough sneer squeak laugh breath chuckle weeze okay I'm done

Good. My stomach hurts and it's so flabby. Um…so after that awkward silence that was awkward, wait okay, are you still typing? Ummm…Let me reminisce, hypoderm abrasion on my face, no, micro, not hypo chuckle chuckle wait, okay, so back to the story, uhhhaahhh, I can't think. Exclamation point! Oh man, hold on.

So after that awkward silence that was awkward, everyone just kind of stared at David again. And went back to the Morris thing. That's such an ugly name. Wow Blink, you're a very loud typist. So Morris was still mooning and David got a good look at the male anatomy. (In parenthesis, why do they have so many parts to label in FLE? Question mark.)

Hold on I'm going to rinse the stuff off my face. For shizzle. Elephant noise. Hold on. Loser, only winners can make elephant noises. I knot know. My face is uber soft. Double oo. Oober. Rudolph the red nose reindeer had a very shiny nose!

**The end.**

**

* * *

Stuyvesant232 has signed on.**

**SantaFe1934 has signed on.**

**Stuyvesant232: **Hey Jack. Sup?

**SantaFe1934: **WTH Dave?

**Stuyvesant232: **Huh?

**SantaFe1934: **Guess who came up to me today?

**Stuyvesant232: **Who?

**SantaFe1934: **Mr. Trials.

**Stuyvesant232: **The guidance counselor?

**SantaFe1934: **Yeah. Know what he said?

**Stuyvesant232: **What?

**SantaFe1934: **He told me that if I had any questions about my sexuality, I should head down to guidance.

**Stuyvesant232: **Oh.

**SantaFe1934: **Yeah, _oh_. You know what happened the other day wasn't on purpose, right?

**Stuyvesant232: **No, I don't.

**SantaFe1934: **It was, Dave. I fell.

**Stuyvesant232: **Kind of funny that you fell directly on top of me and kissed me, you know.

**SantaFe1934: **I didn't kiss you! I fucking _fell_ and my fucking mouth smashed into yours! I practically broke my jaw!

**Stuyvesant232: **What about the rest?

**SantaFe1934: **The rest? My fucking zipper got stuck in your belt loop! The thrusting was not fucking _intentional_!

**Stuyvesant232: **Will you stop with the "fuck"s? Geez, Jack. If your zipper was stuck you could have just pulled it out with your hands.

**SantaFe1934: **You think I really wanted to put my hand near your cock?

**Stuyvesant232: **I don't know, Jack!

**SantaFe1934: **Ugh, Dave…I'm sorry. Look, the whole thing was an accident. Why don't you believe that?

**Stuyvesant232: **When there are sexual accidents, most people don't shout "Oh fuck" about ten times. They don't close their eyes. They don't try and touch the entire surface area of someone's body. They don't start panting and moaning and climax on accident.

**SantaFe1934: **I…Davey…

**Stuyvesant232: **…

**SantaFe1934: **Fine. I admit it. It wasn't an accident. Just...it isn't gonna happen again. And please stop telling everyone.

**Stuyvesant232: **I didn't tell anyone!

**SantaFe1934: **What about that science report?

**Stuyvesant232: **I never turned that in! Not the last part, at least!

**SantaFe1934: **So how come everyone knows? How did Mr. Trials know?

**Stuyvesant232: **I'm not sure! Spot lives on the floor above you, he probably heard us.

**SantaFe1934: **I didn't make that much noise!

**Stuyvesant232: **…

**SantaFe1934: **Shit. This is bullshit. _This is absolute male cow feces!_

**Stuyvesant232: **Relax, Jack. We're gonna figure this out.

**SantaFe1934: **I hope so.

**Stuyvesant232: **We will.

**SantaFe1934 is away.**

**Stuyvesant232: **Jack?

**Stuyvesant232's Away Message: **_Where does it say you gotta live and die here? Where does it say a guy can't catch a break? Why should you only take what you're given? Why should you spend your whole life livin'? Trapped where there ain't no future. Even at seventeen…_

**Stuyvesant232: **Talk to you later, Jack.

**SantaFe1934 has returned from away.**

**SantaFe1934:** No, Dave. I need some time to think.

**SantaFe1934 has signed off.**

**Stuyvesant232 has signed off.**

**  
**


	4. Random Surveys and CPR

**Mr. Trials's Random Survey**

**Given to David Jacobs and Francis Sullivan during second period art.**

**1. Pick a song that would describe your current situation and write down the song's name and the band. Then explain why it describes you at the moment.**

**-David: **_Tainted Love by **Soft Cell.** _You should know why it describes my life right now, Mr. Trials. The whole school probably knows.

**-Jack: **_Checkmarks by **The Academy Is**._ Just listen to the lyrics. I'm sure you can figure it out. It isn't that hard, even for a guidance counselor who gets paid practically nothing and has to sleep on the couch because his wife is mad at him for coming home late every night because she assumes he is an affair but is actually molesting students except not really but I'm trying to drag this survey on because I didn't finish my painting which is due today.

**2. What college do you plan on attending once you graduate from high school?**

**-David:** I have been accepted into the Massachusetts Institute of Technology. I have received four scholarships that will cover a majority of the tuition fees.

**-Jack: **It doesn't matter what school I got into. I don't have enough money to go because I'm barely scraping up enough cash to pay rent even though I am on student welfare because my dad is in jail.

**3. How do you feel people who mutilate themselves?**

**-David: **I believe that it gives them a feeling of control in their lives. However, I do not see it as a beneficial coping skill.

**-Jack: **Cutting is for emo kids who actually have good lives and plenty of money but they are depressed because their parents wouldn't let them get a new car so they decided to be suicidal so everyone would feel bad for them.

**4. Have you ever engaged in sexual intercourse?**

**-David:** No comment.

**-Jack: **Several times. With a girl. And not a guy. That is a lie. So anyone who says that I've fucked a guy is a liar. And liars are sinners. So don't listen to them, because they are going to hell, so it doesn't matter what they say.

**5. Are you religious in any way?**

**-David: **Yes. I attend church every Sunday and I am one of the leaders of our youth group.

**-Jack: **Not really. I went to church until my mom died. Then my dad didn't feel like going. I don't know a whole ton about religion, except the basics of Christianity and stuff. I'm still trying to figure out with I believe in the things in the bible or not.

**6. How does the following passage make you feel?**

_The wretched feeling of guilt clung to Jack's conscience as he stumbled up the steps of his apartment. He was in a pathetic condition that his father would recognize instantly when he walked into the door. The abrasions on Jack's arms, the gashes on his calves, the blood seeping from his swollen lips, and the bruises on his cheeks were blatant. His wounds would speak before he could even explain what happened. They would prove his father's theory about his pitiful son and suck out all his self-esteem like a parasite, leaving him with nothing but shame._

_When Jack reached the top step, he sighed briefly and let his hand rest on the doorknob. If he turned it and entered the apartment, he would have to suffer through the immense interview he had become so familiar with. His father would inquire the usual "Where were you?" and "What happened?" But it wasn't answering those questions that frightened Jack. It was the fact that he would have to tell his father that he lost the fight that he had started._

_He could imagine it now. His father would act furious that he picked a fight, but behind his irritated eyes, his only sentiment would be disappointment. It was the disappointment and the humiliation that made Jack tremble in fear. The poor boy felt his dignity drop as fast as a bad investment in the stock market. If he opened that door, the impact made by his father's expectations would shatter his pride. _

_Without realizing it, Jack had clenched his fist in animosity. Most kids his age didn't have to carry a heavy burden on expectations on their shoulders. Every day, he had to struggle with the weight of goals that were irrational and maintain his sanity. Compared to the petty problems his friends faced, he had it pretty bad. He was carrying a bundle of bricks, while everyone else pranced around with a bundle of feathers._

_Jack hated each and every brick. He hated the "criminal father" brick, the "dead mother" brick, the "pity" brick, and the "don't go crazy" brick. Combine that with a few tons of stress and pressure, and you get a perfect load for a seventeen year old boy to bear. Jack suddenly felt the mass of his emotional cargo and collapsed, withering into a bloody, crying mess._

"_Get up. You're making a fool of yourself."_

_Jack quivered and forced himself to stop sobbing. The abrupt halt made his chest ache, and he could feel a series of coughs getting ready to emerge from his throat. Gradually, he stood, wincing from the soreness in his muscles. He tried to steady himself on the handrail of the stairs, but was still woozy._

"_Go get yourself-"_

_The chain of coughs compelled out of Jack's windpipe, interrupting his father's grumbling. Much to his surprise, his mouth did not taste of phlegm, but of the distinct metal flavor of blood. _

"_Go get yourself cleaned up, alright?"_

_Jack nodded and spit a glob of bloody saliva to his right. He stumbled inside, closing the door behind him, and was greeted by the wreck he called his home. The house smelled musky, like the stale aroma of a nursing home mixed with a tint of mold and urine. _

"_So what happened this time?" Jack's dad asked. To Jack's surprise, his father did not inject a threatening tone into his voice. _

**David: **It makes me feel bad, I guess.

**Jack: **It makes me feel like stabbing the word "coincidence" multiple times and then strangling whoever walked into my head, stole this from my index of memories, and typed it up with figurative language.

**7. What do you plan on doing this weekend?**

**David: **I am not sure. I have a history report to finish, so I might be home all weekend.

**Jack: **I think I'll go over to my girlfriend's house and talk to her about all the stuff that has been going on lately.

**8.****Do you have a job at the moment?**

**David: **I'm a newspaper boy.

**Jack: **I'm a newspaper boy.

* * *

**Dear diary,**

Jack came over today. He has been acting funny all week. He has avoided me in the halls and made excuses for why he cannot talk to me on the phone. So, when he finally came over, I was relieved. We talked for a bit about how graduation was coming up soon, then we watched a movie called _Captain Corelli's Mandolin. _Jack really liked this one actor in the movie, who's last name was something dealing with hay, I think. Whatever.

Anyways, the weird thing was, while we were watching the movie, David kept walking into the living room every five minutes and eyeing Jack. Maybe they had planned to go see a lacrosse game or something together, and I guess David was mad. He had some big history project to do though, so it isn't like he could go out. I don't know what the deal was.

So after the movie was over, Jack suggested we go swimming. David and Les came with us. Well, Jack and I were goofing around and splashing, and David was glaring at us the entire time. So I got out of the water and asked David why he was so upset. He said nothing was wrong.

But then I noticed this hickey on his neck, so I started laughing. And I was like: "Dave, are you mad because you have a girlfriend and she couldn't hang out with you this weekend?"

Then he _totally_ flipped out. He started yelling stuff at me that didn't make a whole lotta sense. And I was just like "What's the matter with you?" And he didn't respond and jumped into the pool. Except, the thing is, David can't swim. And for some reason the lifeguard was off eating lunch, so he didn't hear David calling for help. So I started going towards the edge of the pool when I tripped over this toy dolphin some kid had left there. And I fell and hurt my hip and couldn't get up and help him.

So, catch this. David's drowning, and Jack swims over to him and drags him out of the water. And David was seriously drowning. Like, he had gone unconscious. So I was terrified and Les and terrified and all the people at the pool were terrified. So then Jack starts doing CPR, right? And then I looked close and realized David _wasn't unconscious_.

And I was like: "What the heck is going on?"

So Jack is giving David mouth to mouth, and David is breathing fine. Maybe a little_ too_ fine. So then I have Les help me get up and walk over there. And most of the people are on their cell phones dialing 9-1-1 and screaming at the lifeguard, so they don't notice that David is alright.

Well, anyways, I limp over there and nudge Jack, who finally snaps out of it. And David starts fake coughing (I know what it sounds like because he used to do that as a kid so he could stay home from school) and is all: "What happened?"

And then I said: "You were making out with Jack, _that's what happened!_"

And David acts like he doesn't know what I'm talking about, but in his eyes there were these little flecks of fear. Then Jack got up and walked away, and I noticed he was walking funny.

So I started limping after him and calling him and he's still walking funny, right? And he _finally_ turns around, but tries to grab this towel off a chair first. Well, he reaches for the towel and goes to put it around his waist and I saw why he was walking weird. He had a fucking boner.

_That boy likes my brother. My boyfriend is attracted to my brother. Jack likes David. _

So now I'm all depressed. I think I'll call Spot and tell him he was right about them.

**Yours truly,**

**Sarah.**


	5. Men Don't Cry

**Brooklynboy444 has signed on.**

**XSaharaXDesertX has signed on.**

**Brooklynboy444:** Hey Sarah

**XSaharaXDesertX: **Omg, Spot, did u get the message I left on ur phone?

**Brooklynboy444: **No

**XSaharaXDesertX: **U didn't? Okay, I'll email u the copy of my journal entry

**XSaharaXDesertX is away.**

**Brooklynboy444 is away.**

**XSaharaXDesertX has returned from away.**

**Brooklynboy444 has returned from away.**

**Brooklynboy444: **did that really happen?

**XSaharaXDesertX: **yah!

**Brooklynboy444: **so r u breakin up wit jack?

**XSaharaXDesertX: **I guess so. I dunno how to tell my parents bout david bein gei though.

**Brooklynboy444: **then don't. If those 2 keep messin around ur folks will find out soon enough

**XSaharaXDesertX: **ya think?

**Brooklynboy444: **trust me. As soon as the weekend's over, the news will spread faster than butter on toast

**XSaharaXDesertX: **I don't want dave 2 get hurt though. He is already stressed about getting reddy for college

**Brooklynboy444: **The only thing that'll hurt him is jack sticking his

**XSaharaXDesertX: **spot shut up. Don't even finish that sentence

**Brooklynboy444:** wut?

**XSaharaXDesertX: **my bro wouldn't have sex b4 getting married

**Brooklynboy444: **u did

**XSaharaXDesertX: **no, that was a rumor:

**Brooklynboy444: **orly? We could change that :9

**XSaharaXDesertX: **u pervert!

**Brooklynboy444: **Im kiddin!

**XSaharaXDesertX: **do you really think they've done it yet though?

**Brooklynboy444: **u rly wanna no wut I think?

**XSaharaXDesertX: **yes

**Brooklynboy444: **I think they have, but only once

**XSaharaXDesertX: **how do you no?

**Brooklynboy444: **because jack is shy about sex

**XSaharaXDesertX: **yeah…how would u no?

**Brooklynboy444: **nvm

**XSaharaXDesertX: **tell me, spot!

**Brooklynboy444:** I said nvm!

**XSaharaXDesertX: **Spotttt!

**Brooklynboy444: **no

**XSaharaXDesertX: ** :

**XSaharaXDesertX: **fine

**Brooklynboy444:** lmao

**XSaharaXDesertX: **tell u wut, though. Wanna go see a movie 2nite?

**Brooklynboy444:** sure. Wut do u wanna see?

**XSaharaXDesertX: **how bout superman returns?

**Brooklynboy444:** I thought u said that movie looked bad

**XSaharaXDesertX: **well, superman is the opposite of batman and jack loved batman begins, so this is my own…movie revenge

**Brooklynboy444: **lol. Pick u up at 8 then?

**XSaharaXDesertX: **alrite. C u then, spot.

**XSaharaXDesertX has signed off.**

**Brooklynboy444 has signed off.**

**Spot's Receipt:**

**CVS PHARMACY**

**272 8th AVENUE, NEW YORK, NY**

**1 BOX TRJN CNDM 3.49**

**1 ITEM**

**SUBTOTAL 3.49**

**TAX 0.23**

**TOTAL 3.72**

**PAID 5.00**

**CHANGE 1.28**

**l**llll**llllllll**llllllllll**llllllllllllllllll**lllll

**RETURNS WITH RECEIPT THRU 08/11/2006**

**JUNE 10, 20067:27PM**

**Jack's Receipt:**

**CVS PHARMACY**

**272 8th AVENUE, NEW YORK, NY**

**1 BOX MDL TN FRML 4.49**

**1 ITEM**

**SUBTOTAL 3.49**

**TAX 0.23**

**TOTAL 4.72**

**PAID 5.00**

**CHANGE 0.28**

**l**llll**llllllll**llllllllll**llllllllllllllllll**lllll

**RETURNS WITH RECEIPT THRU 08/11/2006**

**JUNE 10, 20067:34PM**

**Jack's Personal Narrative for Mrs. Platt's English class.**

My head hurts.  
Badly.  
I think it is from the heat.  
It is 97 degrees outside.  
Fahrenheit.  
And it is humid.  
Like, so humid that you can step outside and drown.  
Speaking of drowning.

Geez.  
I can't believe what David did.  
He was like fucking James Blunt the way he jumped into the pool.  
And I seriously thought he needed CPR.  
I shoulda realized he just wanted more of…  
Well, I don't think I'll go into details.  
I don't want to get suspended.

The thing that scares me is that when I figured out he was breathing, I didn't stop.  
Old Jack would have stopped and gotten very mad and yelled.  
But New Jack kept going. He did not object. New Jack was happy.

I don't like New Jack.  
I don't like Old Jack either.

I don't know where Middle-Aged-Just-About-To-Get-Prostate-Problems-So-I'll-Go-Be-In Some-Male-Vitamin-Commercial-Jack is.

Well, never mind.  
He probably went off to do that commercial and get paid enough money to go buy a house in the Outer Banks with a pool and private beach.

I'm so confused about this whole thing.  
I'm not gay.  
Not like those guys on Bravo who prance around and make straight guys good looking.  
No no no no.

OW.  
I just stood up to turn my lamp on and bunked my head on my loft bed.  
Owwwwwww.

Oh Christ.  
My fucking head.  
I think I might be dying.  
This is worse than a hangover headache.  
Maybe the blood vessels in my skull have expanded with the heat.

UGH.

The computer screen isn't helping either.  
Aw, shit.  
It is burning my retinas.

Since we're on the topic of burning, I'd like to mention the burning feeling in my blood right now.  
I'm so pissed that even the humidity outside cannot put out my fire of anger.  
How do you like that, Mrs. Platt?  
Descriptive sentence, right?

Aw, not really.  
Okay, I need some ibuprofen.  
I've been taking a lot of that lately.  
Actually, I've been taking a lot of a lot of things (that's quite a tongue twister, eh?)

Three Advil every two days.  
Three Tums every day.  
One Flintstones vitamin every day.  
Two Excedrin every three days.  
One anxiety pill every four days.  
Two Midol every three days.

The thing was, I thought the Midol was some kind of sleeping pill.  
Turns out it is some PMS drug.  
Perhaps there's like some estrogen dose in it that is making me be all queer.  
Yeah. That's it. I should sue whoever put that stuff in CVS.

Crap. I never mentioned why I was mad, did I?  
I am mad because:

1. Sarah went out on a date with Spot. Since he is one of my best friends, this is a huge act of treason.

2. She went to go see Superman Returns with him. This is the worst kind of betrayal you can do to a Batman Begins fan.

3. My head is throbbing more than an amplifier at a Slipknot concert.

4. It is so hot in here that I am considering sticking my head in the freezer and risk getting hypothermia.

5. I have some weird thin phlegm in my throat that has been there for two days now and every time I try to clear it refuses to move. Stupid stubborn spit.

6. My couch has a quarter from David's pocket on it that fell out a few days ago. It is mocking me and questioning my masculinity. I should go spend it.

7. I'm really exhausted but I have to stay up to finish this.

8. I realized that I probably won't ever get to go to Santa Fe.

9. I haven't seen my dad in two months and I suddenly miss my mom.

10. I'm crying. Men aren't supposed to cry.


	6. Look, Look

**As heard by random witness at 12:58am.**

**Voice One: **"Spot, come on, stop it."  
**Voice Two: **"Relax, Sarah."  
**Voice One: **"Spot…"  
**Voice Two: **"Chill, alright?"  
**Voice One: **"I'm not gonna chill!"  
**Voice Two: **"Sarah!"  
**Voice One: **"Quit it!"  
**Voice Two: **"Just relax!"  
**Voice One: **"Let go of me, Spot!"

**Voice Three:** "Let go of her!"  
**Voice Two: **"Well if it ain't Jack-Be Nimble, Jack-Be-Quick, Jack-Go-Suck-Your-Boyfriend's-Dick."  
**Voice Three: **"Fuck up, Spot. I ain't gay."  
**Voice Two:** "Sure didn't sound like that the other day. It sounded like you and Dave were fucking around."  
**Voice Three: **"Shut up, Spot!"  
**Voice One: **"Leave him alone, Spot."  
**Voice Two:** "So now you're in for faggot rights too?"

**Voice One: **"I…just…"  
**Voice Three:** "Hey, Spottie, I got one thing to say to you."  
**Voice Two:** "What's that, gay boy?"  
**Voice Three:** "_I wanna see those green boxers again_."  
**Voice Two: **"You…little…fuck…"  
**Voice One:** "What?"  
**Voice Three:** "Oh, let's Spot explain this one, shall we?"  
**Voice One:** "What is he talking about, Spot?"  
**Voice Two:** "Nothing."  
**Voice Three:** "I wouldn't call it nothing. Remember that St. Patrick's Day party that Spot had when he was at boarding school?"  
**Voice Two:** "Shut it, Jack!"

**Voice One**: "What happened?"  
**Voice Two:** "SHUT UP!"  
**Voice Three: **"Aw, poor little Fido. Scared that you're gonna lose your precious ego? Well, I don't give a fuck about your god dammed reputation."  
**Voice Two:** "I'm gonna kill you. I swear, I'm gonna kill you!"  
**Voice Three:** "Kill me? Ha, really now? I distinctly remember you doing something else that night. Almost like "kill", except the last two letters were two s's."  
**Voice One:** "Wait…You mean…"  
**Voice Two:** "SHUT UP, JACK!"  
**Voice Three:** "That's right."  
**Voice One:** "You kissed Jack?"  
**Voice Two:** "No…Sarah…I mean…I was drunk…"  
**Voice Three:** "Drunk? You didn't take one sip of beer at the party!"

**The dialogue ceased and sounds of struggling occurred next, followed by screaming.**

**

* * *

**

_Get well soon, Jack._  
**Hope you feel better, Jack.**  
That motherfucker should go to hell. Good job defending your girl, Jack.

_-Mush_  
**-Skittery**  
-Kid Blink

* * *

**List of injuries:**

-Three bruised ribs.  
-Broken clavicle.  
-Fractured scapula.  
-Bruised sternum.

**Dear students, parental guardians, and faculty:**

_Two nights ago, a senior from Stuyvesant High School was maliciously attacked by a student attending a Brooklyn high school. Although this occurred outside of the education boundaries, we would like to make this issue public so this does not happen again. We believe that the Stuyvesant student was assaulted due to his sexual orientation. Because of this, Stuyvesant is going to establish a Gay/Straight Alliance program between other high schools in Manhattan and Brooklyn. Since the 2006 school year is concluding in several days, this program will begin in September. _

_-Mr. Trials  
_

_

* * *

_

He can barely breathe.  
He sure as hell can't talk.  
It's not like he's choosing not to.  
He can't.

Jack physically cannot talk.  
His entire chest area is damaged.  
Every time he inhales, it hurts.  
And every time I watch him, it hurts me.

This whole thing is my fault.  
If I had never gotten involved with him, he'd be alright.  
And Sarah, too.  
She'd be fine.

Turns out Spot was trying to have sex with her when Jack showed up.  
And of course, thank God, she refused to.  
Or, maybe that's actually a bad thing.  
If she hadn't flipped out, Jack wouldn't have heard them.  
He wouldn't have gone to help her.  
He'd be at home now, instead of the hospital.

Oh my God.  
What the hell am I saying?  
No. No. No.

It is a good thing that Sarah refused.  
It is a good thing that Jack helped her.  
It is a bad thing that Spot has a savage libido.

None of this is my fault.  
Or Jack's or Sarah's fault.

It's Spot's.

Look, look.  
See Spot.  
See David.  
See David rip Spot's fucking windpipe out.

* * *

**Conversation between Jack and Sarah at the hospital, as heard by a nurse who is probably not being paid enough for her efforts and is probably organizing a union within the hospital to go on strike. **

"So how was Superman Returns?"  
"Not as good as Batman Begins."  
"I knew it."  
"The actor in Batman Begins is a lot better than the Superman Returns guy."  
"Uh-huh."  
"He looks a lot like you, you know. It's seriously weird, Jack."  
"So you mean he's extremely handsome then, right?"  
"Exactly."  
"Heh."  
"Hey um…the other night…"  
"Hmmm?"  
"I never said thank you."  
"And you'll never have to."

* * *

**Author's Note:**

**Alright. Sorry I've been so behind in the story. School's been pretty busy with final exams and stuff. Oh, and last two sentences of this chapter were actually the last lines in Batman Begins. Heh.**


	7. Jello

**When:** June 16th  
**Where:** Kid Blink's place (email for directions)  
**Who:** The "Newsies" and friends and family.  
**RVSP:** We're fuckin' graduating, so let's party!

* * *

**Oatmeal4Ever has signed on.  
XCaptainXBlinkX has signed on.  
Oatmeal4Ever:** Hey Blink!  
**XCaptainXBlinkX: **'Ey Mush. Any news on how Jack's doin'?  
**Oatmeal4Ever: **Nah. Nothing yet. I got good news though and bad news.  
**XCaptainXBlinkX:** Good news first.  
**Oatmeal4Ever: **I just saved a bunch of money on car insurance by switching to Geico.  
**XCaptainXBlinkX:** :D Silly. You don't have your own car yet.  
**Oatmeal4Ever:** Yeah, well…YOUR MOM.  
**XCaptainXBlinkX: **Haha. Okay, bad news?  
**Oatmeal4Ever: **Jack can't press charges against Spot or anything because his dad is in jail, and he isn't 18 yet.  
**XCaptainXBlinkX:** That's retarded!  
**Oatmeal4Ever: **Yeah, I know.   
**XCaptainXBlinkX: **God…Crap, I gotta go get ready for the graduation party tonight. I'll see you then, okay?  
**Oatmeal4Ever:** Alright. You know if Jack's going?  
**XCaptainXBlinkX:** I doubt it. I think his chest hurts when he stands up or talks. I know that Dave isn't coming though. He's going over to the hospital to check on Jack.  
**Oatmeal4Ever:** That's sucks. Alright, see ya.  
**XCaptainXBlinkX:** Later, man.  
**XCaptainXBlinkX is away.  
Oatmeal4Ever has signed off.**

**

* * *

**

**_As heard by another nurse._**

"Heya Davey."

"Jack."

"Aren't you going to Blink's party tonight?"

"Um, later. I wanted to see how you were."

"Thanks. I'm doing alright…I guess. I mean, besides the fact that I'm taking more morphine than that Mimi chick from Rent."

"You actually watched Rent?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you hated musicals, Jack."

"Some of 'em. West Side Story is pretty cool. So is that one about the paperboys…What's it called again?"

"I forgot. Haven't seen it in awhile…But when did you become so spontaneous? You never used to try new things. Why the sudden change?"

"I guess I tried something new a few weeks ago and it wasn't as scary as I thought it would be."

"You mean…"

"Yeah, Dave."

"Oh…"

"Come here."

"Huh?"

"Come here."

"I don't think we should-"

"I don't mean that, Davey. Just a hug."

"Okay."

"…"

"…"

"Do me a favor tonight, Dave."

"What's that?"

"Don't try to hurt Spot if he shows up at the party."

"What? Why not?"

"Just don't. Promise me you won't."

"But look what he did to you!"

"I know, I know. But don't do it."

"Jack!"

"Dave!"

"Fine."

"Thanks."

"But…I don't get it. Why shouldn't I hurt him?"

"Because if I ended up like this, imagine the shit he can do to you."

"Gee, that's encouraging, Jack."

"That isn't what I meant…"

"What _do_ you mean, Jack?"

"I…I don't know."

"Yes you do."

"Okay, I guess…well, yeah…"

"What?"

"I think I might love you."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"I think I might love you too, Jack."

* * *

**MYSPACE**

"**Living In the Moment Survey"**

**RIGHT NOW I AM:**

**With:** Uh…no one. Except that girl who keeps walking by. She is totally scaring me. IT'S LIKE "THE RING".

**Listening to: **The Mars Volta. They are a pretty creepy band, kiddies. You shouldn't listen to them unless you are my age or it could scar your mind forever and drive you into a state of trauma, where you would eventually wither away into a blanket of schizophrenia that would consume you, over time morphing you into one of those crazy cats ladies that live with twenty seven felines and don't mind walking on layers of animals feces.

**Eating/Tasting: **Jell-O. Why is it that hospitals only serve Jell-O? What about those freaky vegans who can't eat Jell-O because it is full of bovine bones? Do they just starve?

**Smelling: **That smell of…you know…hospital…

**Reading:** Every now and then I take a glimpse at that poster that says "WHAT IS YOUR LEVEL OF PAIN ON A SCALE OF ONE TO TEN?" and it has faces on it with numbers under them. The first face looks normal, but the last one looks like someone just bit his arm off or something. Whose idea was it to put this poster in my room? Maybe it was that girl who's pacing through the halls. –shudder-

**Watching:** This freaky movie called "Big"

**Thinking about: **How old was Tom Hanks in this movie? I wish I could get a big piano like that…

**Happy about: **The fact that Skittery swung by earlier to drop off his laptop so I could use it. How generous of him. If it didn't hurt so much to talk, I'd call him and sing "Bad Day" to thank him. I think he is secretly stalking Daniel Powter because he thinks the guy wrote that song just for him.

**Angry about: **How I let Davey go to the party tonight. I _know_ Spot is going to be there.

**Sad about: **I just finished my Jell-O and now I can only gnaw on the spoon. OH WAIT. That must be what the vegan patients eat while they are here. The incredible edible spoon. Yummy.

**Confused about: **Whether or not I love…uh…someone.

**HAVE YOU EVER GONE BUNGEE JUMPING:** No…

-

**Author's Note: I AM SO SORRY FOR TAKING FOREVER TO WRITE THIS. I just haven't been in the writing flow for a long time. I know this chapter doesn't have much substance, but I PROMISE the next one will be MUCH BETTER. It's already planned out, so don't worry, it should be up in a week or less…I hope.**


	8. Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa

**Skittery's Livejournal:**

I went to Blink's party tonight. It was fun until Spot showed up. Before he came, everyone was laughing and sharing memories about high school and all that mediocre stuff you do at graduation parties. Well, okay, so maybe we were drinking a bit…but it's not like we were screaming "TOGA! TOGA!" at the top of our lungs.

But like I mentioned, Spot just ruined it. He came sauntering in, and Blink told him to get out, but he wouldn't listen. See, the thing was, we were all friends with Spot until he beat up Jack, so he was still on Blink's contact list for e-mail, which is how he got invited. Anyways, Blink was trying to get him to leave, and then Mush went over and threatened him. The whole time I just stood there, wondering how Sarah was going to react if she walked by. She didn't walk by, but Dave did.

Now, apparently, Dave had swooped by the hospital earlier to see Jack. And somehow Spot found out, and he was acting hostile towards Dave. I couldn't figure it out at first. I mean, why would Spot care if he went to visit him? It's not like he cared, since he completely bashed Jack.

But then I got it. In case any of you forgot, Spot threw this crazy St. Patrick's Day party back in March. I was there, and, well, so were a lot of people. Jack and Spot just left halfway through the party, right about when Blink and Mush showed up with some crazy idea for condom balloons. Ick. Well, that isn't the point. Spot was in a boarding school then, and he got in trouble for having alcohol at his party. But he also got in trouble because he left and didn't respond to complaints made by people in the other dorms. When they caught Spot and questioned him about where he was, he said he just went out for some air. Which is total crap because Spot can't stand being outside and missing a party. Later he told me that he had really gone out and gotten laid. I assumed he meant by some girl he knew.

But no.  
It was Jack.  
It must have been Jack.  
And it makes sense now.

All those rumors about Jack and Davey hooking up must be true.  
Spot was _jealous_ of them, and totally fed up with Jack, which explains why he snapped and beat him up the other night.  
And I know Jack. Jack is a great fighter.  
He let Spot punch the hell out of him; because there was no way he was going to hurt him. He likes Spot.

Okay, back to the story. David went over to Spot tonight and yelled at him; screamed at him for trying to have sex with his sister and for putting Jack in the hospital. Then Spot just lost it. He was fuming and shouting, and within about two minutes, both of them had lunged at each other. This was supposed to be a fun event, not a stupid thing full of conflict, so Blink and Mush grabbed both of them to stop them from killing each other. But, here's what really shocked everyone. I went up to them, because, you know, I'm quite a curious person.

I said to them:  
"Why do you two have to be at each other's throats?"

At the exact same time, they both answered:  
"Because I'm in love with Jack Kelly."

* * *

**  
Dear Hospital Staff:**

I am horrified at how my daughter was treated while under your care. After she had surgery, nobody watched her. Not knowing that she was forbidden to roam, my daughter wandered around until she stumbled into a teen who I believe is a bad influence. He talked to her and asked her for help concerning his current relationship. My daughter is only eleven; she does not need to learn about the sex life of this seventeen year old pervert. The worst of it is that you did not supervise their conversation. My precious daughter told this boy information that he should not know, although she claims it was advice. Please do not allow this to happen again. I assumed that you didn't allow crazy people with three lovers go into your hospital, so you can imagine that I found this incident terrifying and disturbing.

**Sincerely,  
Rachael Graham.**

**

* * *

**

**The Talk at School: **

"Jack can't be gay."  
"He was dating Sarah for almost a year."  
"Why on earth would Spot be gay?"  
"What the hell is going on?"  
"They're bi, stupid! Not queer!"  
"Poor David. Poor Sarah."  
"You think Jack will dump David?"  
"This has gotta be a joke. None of them are gay…Except for maybe Dave."  
"How…"  
"WHO STOLE MY NACHOS? MUSH, DID YOU STEAL MY NACHOS?"  
"Do you think Jack's really in the hospital because he has AIDS?"  
"I wonder how they'll handle graduation…"  
"Then David said…"  
"I still cannot believe this."  
"I bet Spot is having trouble at his school."  
"NO, BLINK, I DID NOT STEAL YOUR NACHOS!"

* * *

**To: **Spot, Sarah, and Davey.  
**From: **Jack

Skittery told me about what happened at the party the other night. And…I guess I've been lying to all of you. So, I need to clear things up. I just…I want all of you to forgive me, alright?

A few months ago, when Spot had a party, he and I ended up…doing more than we expected. We uh…well…I'm sure you already know what happened. Spot and I...aw, God…we um…geez…we copulated. There, I said it. See, I didn't really plan on staying with Spot afterwards…

So here's my first apology. Sarah, I acted like nothing occurred after that party. I just pushed it to the back of my mind and continued dating you. I never told you about Spot. Every time you and I spent time together, I felt really guilty, but I just couldn't tell you.

Here's my second apology. David, when you and I…uh…you know…I treated you really badly the next day. I made it into a big deal when it really wasn't…because…I'd done it before. And, also, that day at the pool…Before we went there, I ignored you. That wasn't fair. You thought that we were more than just friends, and I shoved you away.

Now here's my last apology. Spot, it was terrible of me to just stop talking to you after the St. Patrick's Day ordeal. Like David, you expected our relationship to progress. And it didn't. You just watched in silence while Sarah and I bloomed into an intimate couple. Then, after what happened between David and me, you felt even more betrayed, and that's why you thought going out Sarah would get it to me. It did, which is why I interrupted you two, and why you became so furious.

In conclusion:  
Sarah, I'm sorry I cheated on you with Spot and your brother.  
David, I'm sorry I cheated on you with your sister.  
Spot, I'm sorry I cheated on you with Sarah and Dave.

I'm sorry.  
All of you, I'm sorry.  
I'm an idiot. A stupid idiot.  
More stupid and idiotic than Blink and Mush when they tried to feed that kitten to an ATM last year.  
I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry.  
After graduation, I'm getting out of New York for awhile so you can all relax.  
Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa, Mea Culpa.

**Love,  
Jack.**


	9. Wrong Brother

**Scientific Survey on Previous Term Paper.  
David Jacobs.  
I forgot what period this is.  
And the date. I forgot that too.**

**What did you learn while examining your organism?**

I learned that my hypothesis was right all along. Jack Kelly is hostile. He's savage, he's a back-stabber, and he's a lying piece of filth. Oh, and you want proof of this inference? Here's some data for you. I watched Jack Kelly's courtship behavior. The animal mated with three others during a horribly close period of time. Preposterous, right? But it's true. I believe I've made a brilliant scientific discovery here.

**If you had the opportunity, would you study this organism again?**

Did I forget to mention how dangerous Jack Kelly is? He ripped my heart out. It's a wonder that I'm still alive. So of course I don't want to study him again. Why should I risk my life studying this brutal creature? Why don't you get another person to observe him instead? Spot Conlon, perhaps.

I don't feel like answering anymore questions, now. My answers won't have enough scientific value to make sense. Want to know why? If you haven't gotten it through your head by now, I made a bad decision a few weeks ago. I never should have studied Jack Kelly. I don't care if I fail this assignment, I don't care if MIT doesn't want me anymore. None of it is worth it.

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**SantaFe1934 has signed on.**

**Stuyvesant232 has signed on.**

**SantaFe1934: **Are you there, Davey?

**Stuyvesant232: **What is it?

**SantaFe1934: **I wanted to say sorry again.

**Stuyvesant232: **Well stop it. I don't want anymore sorry's, Jack.

**SantaFe1934: **Why _not_? What more do you want me to say to you?

**Stuyvesant232: **Do you love him?

**SantaFe1934: **What? What are you talking about?

**Stuyvesant232: **_Do you love Spot?_

**SantaFe1934: **I don't know, Dave. You think this is easy for me? I've committed so many sins this month…If I died right now and I was Catholic, I'd be going to Hell…

**Stuyvesant232: **But you're not Catholic.

**SantaFe1934: **I'm just saying. What I did was wrong. Downright wrong. I shouldn't have done any of it. _I'm sorry_.

**Stuyvesant232: **Any of it? What, that means you shouldn't have had sex with me?

**SantaFe1934: **Geez…_I don't know!_ You're my best friend. Look at this as "David The Friend" and not "David The Lover"

**Stuyvesant232: **But I'm _not_ just a friend anymore. I haven't been "just a friend" since that day at your apartment.

**SantaFe1934: **You know what? This is all the Chinese food's fault. All that MSG must have gone to your head that day.

**Stuyvesant232: **_My head? I didn't start this! You started this, Jack! _You were the one who kissed me and all that! I had nothing to do with it!

**SantaFe1934: **What, now you're accusing me of rape? It doesn't matter who started it. You didn't tell me to stop it.

**Stuyvesant232: **Jack…

**SantaFe1934: **_What? What do you want?_

**Stuyvesant232: **That day that you said you loved me…Did you mean it?

**SantaFe1934: **I…don't…know…

**Stuyvesant232: **…are…are you sure?

**SantaFe1934: **I don't fucking KNOW!

**Stuyvesant232: **Yes or no, Goddamn it!

**SantaFe1934: **You want the truth?

**Stuyvesant232: **YES!

**SantaFe1934: **No. I don't love you. I was drugged in the hospital. I didn't know what I was saying, alright? But I do now. I don't love you, David Jacobs. I do not love you.

**Stuyvesant232 has signed off.**

**SantaFe1934 has signed off.**

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**Dear Diary,**

I don't know what to do about Jack and David. I'm still angry with Jack, but angrier with David. He is taking this further than it really needs to go. I should be the one who's depressed, Jack cheated on me _twice_. He never really cheated on my brother, and yet Dave is acting like he did.

OMG. I just had the worst thought. If Jack hooked up with Davey and me, than what's from stopping him from going after Les? OMG OMG OMG. I bet he is. I bet he's going to try and hook up with Les! OMG OMG OMG OMG. I have to stop him!

**Sincerely,  
Sarah.**

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**Les's Neopets "Journal"**

Sarah won't stop watching me. I'm scared. I asked her why and she said she was protecting me from Jack (he just got out of the hospital this morning) Whatever. She can be such a n00b sometime. I wish I could put her in my shop sell her for some Neopoints. Once I get enough, I plan on painting my Poogle orange. Unless they come out with a Cowboy Paintbrush before that. That would be so cool if Cowboy213648032 could be a real cowboy, just like Jack.

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**As heard by Les from the computer room.**

"Who is it?"

"It's Jack."

"GET OUT OF HERE, YOU CHILD MOLESTER!"

"What the _hell_ are you talking about, Sarah?"

"I'm not letting you touch Les!"

"WHAT?"

"I know why you're here, and you'd better leave, you pedophile!"

"Sarah, can you be rational for a second and listen to what you're saying?"

"Don't try and smooth talk your way into our house!"

"You live in an apartment, not a house."

"You know what I mean, Jack!"

"Can you just let me in?"

"Why? So you can feel up my brother?"

"No! Christ, Sarah! I just need to talk to him."

"Why?"

"Because I need to clear some things up with him, that's why!"

"You're a creep! How can feel like that about a ten year old boy?"

"Wait…Are we talking about the same brother here? I want to talk to _David_, not _Les_!"

"Oh, you can't fool me, Jack."

"What are you _smoking_, Sarah? I'm not after Les, that's _disgusting _and _immoral!_ I just want to talk to _David. D-A-V-I-D! DAVID!_"

"…Really?"

"Yes, really!"

"Well, he isn't home."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know. You're gonna see him at graduation tomorrow anyways."

"Oh _shit!_ Tomorrow's graduation?"

"Duh!"

"Oh no. No no no no no no. Okay, I gotta go."

"Bye."

"Tell Dave I stopped by, okay?"

"Uh…sure…whatever…"

"Thanks. Bye Sarah."

"Bye…"

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**Ask Dr. Phil Column**

**Dear Dr. Phil,**

A few months ago, I slept with one of my friends. The next morning, we stopped talking to each other. The friend I slept with already had a girlfriend, so he acted like I was invisible and hung out with her a lot. Then, about a month ago, he slept with her brother. Eventually she found out and broke up with him. Then her brother found out about me, and got mad at him. Here's my question. Where do I fit in to this? Should I try and get in a relationship with my friend? I love him a lot.

**Sincerely,  
Corner of the Love Square.**

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**Dear Corner,**

It sounds like your "friend" is irresponsible when is comes to relationships. If you start dating him, he will most likely cheat on you. I know you love him, but how would you feel if he didn't love you back? Also, in cases like this, reckless behavior could lead to serious problems, like acquiring an STD. I hate to say it, but I think it is best to use your head and not your heart.

**-Dr. Phil**

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**Jack's Graduation Speech**

I'd like to thank you all for being here tonight and drinking all my booze. No, really. There's something about being a senior…you're never too short of making memories. We all strived to make this year full of experiences that we'd remember until we're old and wrinkled and wearing diapers again. Some of those experiences were amazing: the Homecoming game, the Christmas toy drive, Senior Skip day, the Prom, the drama club's performance of _A Midsummer Night's Dream_, and little everyday things like when Mush did that strip tease and Mr. Trial's threw a wallet at him.

Despite how much of an impact those things have made on me, this past month has brought the most sentiment. The last weeks of our school year were full of pranks and scandals and controversies. I know that everything that's happened is always going to stick with me. You all know what I'm talking about.

Anyways, here's to us. We're done with the SAT's; we're done with school…until the end of the summer that is. I wish you all good luck, whether you're going to college or working at Burger King serving chicken fries. Whatever you do with your life, don't ever forget how you spent your last four years…or month. Don't forget about your friends, your teachers, or your loves…Cheers.

**BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK**

**Author's Note:**

**Sorry about the "****BREAKBREAKBREAKBREAKBREAK" thing. Fanfiction isn't letting me put breaks in.  
**


	10. And Should Burn In Hell

So.

This is my assignment.  
For…for myself.

Yeah.  
After I said my speech and everyone threw their hats in the air and cried and took pictures with their friends and family and all that, I went up to David. Here's what happened:

**Me:** "Hiya Davey."

**Him:** "Hi Jack."

**Me:** "How are you?"

**Him:** "I'm alright, I guess."

**Me: ** "What I said the other day, online…"

**Him: **"Yeah?"

**Me: **"I didn't mean it."

**Him:** "What…about me or Spot?"

**Me: **"I love you, David. But I like Spot too. So…for now, I'm just gonna get outta the city for awhile and make up my mind."

**Him: **"Oh…"

**Me: **"It's the best thing. I don't want to hurt either of you."

**Him: **"Uh…"

**Me: **"What?"

**Him: **"I love you, Jack."

**Me: **"I know you do. But you know what they say. If you love someone, let 'em go. It's probably better for you and Spot if I go for a bit, you know?"

**Him: **"I guess so."

**Me: **"You're still edgy, aren't you?"

**Him: **"Well sorta…it's just, I keep dropping my diploma and my speech and everything…I need a paper clip or something."

**Me: **"A paper clip? Don't be cuter than you are, Dave. Paper clips are useless and should burn in hell."

The end.  
Sincerely, Jack.  
Exit Cowboy.


	11. Boring Info That You Don't Need To Read

As most of you probably noticed, I dropped little references to movies that the actors from Newsies were in and stuffs like that. If you didn't notice, Mr. or Ms. Oblivious, here's a list of all things I included into the story:

**1. "****My birthday is on January 30th"**  
_Christian Bale, the actor who plays Jack, was born on January 30th. _

**2. "****His real name is Gabriel, but we call him Spot because…I don't really know."**  
_The actor who played Spot Conlon in 'Newsies' is named Gabriel Damon._

**3. "David is now watching some stupid Disney Channel movie on TV. It is called High School Musical. It seems gay. The director is some guy named Kenny Ortega."**  
_Kenny Ortega did direct 'High School Musical', but he also directed 'Newsies'._

**4. **"**Batman boxers."**  
_Christian Bale starred in 'Batman Begins'._

**5.** "**(_Mrs. Platt's sixth period class, general education)"_**  
'_Platt' was the last name of Christian Bale's character in 'All The Little Animals'_

**6. "We talked for a bit about how graduation was coming up soon, then we watched a movie called _Captain Corelli's Mandolin."_**  
'_Captain Corelli's Mandolin' was a film that Christian Bale was in._

**7. Jack: "I never said thank you." Sarah: "And you'll never have to."**  
_Not only was that whole conversation about Batman Begins, the last two smidgetts of dialogue were the last two lines from Batman Begins._

**8. "So is that one about the paperboys…What's it called again?"**  
_Obviously I was referring to 'Newsies'._

**9. **"**This movie called 'Big'."**  
_David Moscow, the actor who played David, was in a movie called 'Big'._

**10.** "**More stupid and idiotic than Blink and Mush when they tried to feed that kitten to an ATM last year."**  
_In 'American Psycho', a film starring Christian Bale, his character, Patrick Bateman, claims that an ATM has been telling him to feed it stray cats._

**Well, now that the list is done, it's time for announcements. I'd like to thank a couple of people. First of all, Disney, for making the characters and everything. Next, I gotta thank everyone who left reviews. You guys encouraged me to keep writing this to the end. Finally, I gotta thank my friends who read this. Erin (Les), Emily (Spot), and occasionally Alice (Blink). So um yeah. There is a sequel to this, because there is still so much stuff that hasn't been resolved…like poor Spottie's problem and how Sarah/David feel towards Jack. **

** Erm…what else is there to say…Oh, oh yeah. My friend's and I might be turning this into a 20 minute movie this year…maybe. Check youtube for it.**

**Mkay, some more final comments.**

**When I wrote the first chapter of "Paper Clips" I had no idea it would turn into slash. It wasn't supposed to be, and it just happened. Also, a couple suggestions you all left in the reviews changed what was going to happen (Spot and Sarah were never supposed to go out) And uh…yeah. Okay. As Jack would say:**

**Exit Banisters. **


End file.
